#23 Blacken Hearts

Blacken Hearts

So now a heart is gone
My heart is gone
For you took what I trust
A trust I put in this heart so petty
A trust I put in this heart for you

This red ticking thing
Never knew to let others in
It burst out blood
Gushing so wild
Yet never has been calm
As when you were in

So now a heart is gone
My heart is gone
This red ticking thing
Mechanical and for once a being
But now mechanical, will it always be?

It is a beautiful surrender
A yearning will to surrender
To you
For you
This red ticking thing
Bow before you
Trusting as it never knew that it can be
Trusting so wild too hard and now it’s beat

This red ticking tick is hurted
The blood flow from it enrage
The blood flow now deep black
Blinding me from you
Taking my hand from you
Walking away from you
This black ticking thing
Is my heart

Save me from it


#22 A Lost Cause

A Lost Cause

And I thought I was contented,
But with you, everything is not enough,
Take me to the outer space,
Let us conquer the world,
Cause I’m lost cause,
With you, it’s like I’m on fire,
Fuck, you’re the gasoline.

#20 Unravel

(The Daily Post prompt on 12/4/2017 – unravel)



Unravel me

Show me the wronged chances
The betrayed efforts
Those passed
Those yet to come

Unravel it all

Bear the truth upon me
The passed judgement
Those to be decided tomorrow
Unravel every chain reaction to come

I need to have it all

For I am at lost

Leaving the solid ground
Drowning down under
Flying for where the wind blows

Is this how a soul dies out?

#19 Losing You

Losing you

Laid down, stay still,
It feel so cold
I won’t shed a tear
I am too strong

It’s time
Time’s up
I’m not strong
I’m just empty

Body laid down
Staying still
You’re so beautiful

They say come
Kiss her for one last time
What for?
Why do?
What does a last time always has to mean so much
This one last kiss can’t mean anything for everything we have

What I have now is nothing
It feels like nothing
Like every little thing we used to have is nothing
Like every thing we thought we would still have is nothing

Seeing the ground dug
Until the customary fragrance soak onto it
It engrave onto me
It’s the end
It’s the end
Curse this ending
Ending is brash
It feel so surreal how the end would end everything
Everything feels like a mirage

I’m so hopeless
So I will pray
I pray
For how insignificant this world is
That only in the forever after I can truly be together with you
So I will pray
I pray
May Allah forgive my sins and let me be beside you forever after


note: Malay Muslims have this tradition to water the grave with fragrance water.

#18 Irresponsible


It was this or that
Now or then
To be or not to be

Always a decision
Always to decide
Always have to know
Always need to getby

But baby,
I’m scared and I feel overwhelmed,
Will I always need to know and to do?
Can’t I ever be just puzzled – at lost,
Can’t I ever have some one else to blame on?

Sometime I feel that I am at lost
Sometime it feels that I need to get lost

#17 Of Hurts and Promises

(The Daily Post prompt – symbiosis)


Of Hurts and Promises


Another wear day

Night fell and you’re all worn out

The world taken its toll on you

Each pain endured

A little of you dies out

Crashing the bed with you whole soul burdened onto it

This weary dreary body

Is all used up

Done for

Let me show you the stars tonight

It’s like an open throbbing wound

Looking ahead yet sees nothing

Knowing this journey isn’t a symbiosis link

You’re torn apart yet the path still shooting you right to the chest into your heart out through your spine

I’m here

Under these blankets so warm

The dark soothes

Each passing day

When you skids and bleeds

Wounded and scarred

Crying in deep nights

Screaming silently under ignoring eyes

I’ll still be here you

Protecting your existence even when you don’t want it anymore
I’ll be anything you need

I’ll be everything you need

#16 Affection




He is a joy.
My own personally tailored dose.
He is uncontainable, wreckless, messy.
But he stand firmly, with sureness and authority.
Yet he would smile playfully and agitatingly affectionate,
Here I am mesmerized and stunned.

In the morning he’ll have coffee,
Black with sugar.
Bitter with hint of sweet.
His spectacles seem to never leave his sight
and he will refuse anywhere but near me.
He like his morning so.
We didn’t talk.
Only appreciative calmness.
Small gestures.

Like a peck on my cheek while i take my heavenly first coffee sip.
Tucking his chin on my shoulder while showing todays news on his sleek black metallic smartphone.

On rainy days he’ll make me wear sweater,
Stroking my feet justifying the need for sock,
And we’ll watch tv,
Never romantic ones cause well, we never really did.
Maybe some actions ones
Contented with the rain, under the shade of a homey home.

That we both build.

#15 Poison





Can’t you hear the deafening sound of my silence?
The thundering clash of a shattered heart
The wailing of pain behind a stone hard face of lies
It used to be that I smiled to convince myself
That those sounds is just made up by my silly mind
But now I’m just blank
It is now just some blank spaces that grows inside my soul

You never really care how heart tear
You never really see how wound bleed
You never really know how tear despair
You never really know me when you claim that you will always be

You won’t hear me out
I’m shutting you down

I’m collecting every fraction of bravery and strength
Binding every piece
Trying to make some shape out of it
But it turned out into an ugly mess
Like those monster that bumped in the nights

I’m so broken
I can’t even let you go

You’re poison and I’m masochist

#14 What To Do. What To Do

What To Do. What To Do.

I am undone.
I am messy.
I am a ship without direction.
I am a ship with burden.
I am lost.

I got a degree back in my pocket.
Studies ought to give success.
What does success really is?
What to do. What to do.

I got a hope from each soul.
Expecting, knowing, I’ll be a success.
A future already drawn.
What to do. What to do.

I got a heart burning passionately.
I want to hunt to conquer to live.
Grab a success that I carve on my own.
What to do. What to do.

I am lost.
A lost cause.
Drifting away.
Please grip me tight.
Raise me from this perdition.

I don’t need a destination.
I just want courage.