#18 Irresponsible

Irresponsible

It was this or that
Now or then
To be or not to be

Always a decision
Always to decide
Always have to know
Always need to getby

But baby,
I’m scared and I feel overwhelmed,
Will I always need to know and to do?
Can’t I ever be just puzzled – at lost,
Can’t I ever have some one else to blame on?

Sometime I feel that I am at lost
Sometime it feels that I need to get lost

#17 Of Hurts and Promises

(The Daily Post prompt – symbiosis)

 

Of Hurts and Promises

 

Another wear day

Night fell and you’re all worn out

The world taken its toll on you

Each pain endured

A little of you dies out

Crashing the bed with you whole soul burdened onto it

This weary dreary body

Is all used up

Done for

 
Let me show you the stars tonight

 
It’s like an open throbbing wound

Looking ahead yet sees nothing

Knowing this journey isn’t a symbiosis link

You’re torn apart yet the path still shooting you right to the chest into your heart out through your spine

I’m here

Under these blankets so warm

The dark soothes

Each passing day

When you skids and bleeds

Wounded and scarred

Crying in deep nights

Screaming silently under ignoring eyes

I’ll still be here you

Protecting your existence even when you don’t want it anymore
I’ll be anything you need

I’ll be everything you need

#16 Affection

 

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He is a joy.
My own personally tailored dose.
He is uncontainable, wreckless, messy.
But he stand firmly, with sureness and authority.
Yet he would smile playfully and agitatingly affectionate,
Here I am mesmerized and stunned.

In the morning he’ll have coffee,
Black with sugar.
Bitter with hint of sweet.
His spectacles seem to never leave his sight
and he will refuse anywhere but near me.
He like his morning so.
We didn’t talk.
Only appreciative calmness.
Small gestures.

Like a peck on my cheek while i take my heavenly first coffee sip.
Tucking his chin on my shoulder while showing todays news on his sleek black metallic smartphone.

On rainy days he’ll make me wear sweater,
Stroking my feet justifying the need for sock,
And we’ll watch tv,
Never romantic ones cause well, we never really did.
Maybe some actions ones
Contented with the rain, under the shade of a homey home.

That we both build.

#15 Poison

 

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Poison

Can’t you hear the deafening sound of my silence?
The thundering clash of a shattered heart
The wailing of pain behind a stone hard face of lies
It used to be that I smiled to convince myself
That those sounds is just made up by my silly mind
But now I’m just blank
It is now just some blank spaces that grows inside my soul

You never really care how heart tear
You never really see how wound bleed
You never really know how tear despair
You never really know me when you claim that you will always be

You won’t hear me out
I’m shutting you down

I’m collecting every fraction of bravery and strength
Binding every piece
Trying to make some shape out of it
But it turned out into an ugly mess
Like those monster that bumped in the nights

I’m so broken
I can’t even let you go

You’re poison and I’m masochist

#14 What To Do. What To Do

What To Do. What To Do.

I am undone.
I am messy.
I am a ship without direction.
I am a ship with burden.
I am lost.

I got a degree back in my pocket.
Studies ought to give success.
What does success really is?
What to do. What to do.

I got a hope from each soul.
Expecting, knowing, I’ll be a success.
A future already drawn.
What to do. What to do.

I got a heart burning passionately.
I want to hunt to conquer to live.
Grab a success that I carve on my own.
What to do. What to do.

I am lost.
A lost cause.
Drifting away.
Please grip me tight.
Raise me from this perdition.
Please.

I don’t need a destination.
I just want courage.

#13 A Lost Soul

A Lost Soul

 

Out of spite and out of anger

So I shouted out loud and I tempered high up

Expression stricken and stiffen

It is hatred yes it is pure evil


Blanch it all please dear Lord

Save the soul of a hopeless ignorant

Save me, save me, save me

I am drowning down under and the water is tearing my eyes and took up my breath and swallowing me whole

Save me from the whispers of sweet nothings that darken my heart

Turning it into hard coal


Bismillah

So they say keep praying and you’ll be given the light

Bismillah

Keep praying and may this venging heart cries

#11 Having You

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Having you

Leaning close to our memories
Fondly so dear in the shared together
Thinking you made me feel complete
But still wanting what the world can offer

Replaying you in my mind palace
Your laughter you smile your grin and cheer
Even in place we feel out of place
Having your close made the path so clear

Stucking my face onto your worn trench coat
Hating the time we were distanced so far
Hating you are not here for me to dote
But I know I’ll have you, as you always are

#10 Controversy

(This post was made for the Daily Post prompt on 18/03/2017 – controversy)

 

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Controversy

 

This is pain
In case you don’t know, maybe now you can,
People scared of things they don’t understand
Or else I couldn’t ever comprehend
How you laughed over this pain of mine

Maybe, maybe,
Pain made you uneasy
Made you into this mess of misery
That you hide behind faux cheeky unneeded commentary
Making it up into a controversy
Since you always love one side of a story
Forgone the other side entirely
Maybe it is less spicy
Maybe it neutralise the hot news you serve over a cup of tea
When you choose so that the other side as something you’ll never see

But this is pain
A true cold stinging pain
Each time you said those word so vain
Oh baby
They say word’s sharp
They do because now it slices me – inches into my skin

I know you can’t see
So now I tell you this is pain I have upon me
Slicing deeper with each word you speak
Each little joys you enjoy over a so-called controversy
Maybe it will forever be your own version of controversy
Because the other side of the story
Is too pure that your small heart can never be taught to feel